Doğduǧun Ev Kaderindir Bolum 5 - So Much Growth, So Little Time
A story has no beginning or end: arbitrarily one chooses that moment of experience from which to look back or from which to look ahead.
~ Graham Green, The End of the Affair
I hardly know where to begin. This episode is so... full. I can hear the cajoling voices of those of you who have watched the series since the beginning raising to say, “Kris, every episode is full,” and you're not wrong. Each episode is a necessary chapter in the story of Mehdi and Zeynep finding their home in each other. But for me, there is something different about chapter 5. (Oops! I mean Episode 5 ?.) I can't quite put my finger on what it is. Maybe it is the fact that the episode opens in despair, rejection, and heartbreak, yet journeys to an end of comfort, acceptance, and healing. Or maybe it is because we finally see Zeynep standing up for herself as she begins to embrace the power that she possesses. Anyone who is familiar with my reviews knows how important character development is to me. It is my favorite part of every story; journeying with a character from their beginning to an end, experiencing their failures and victories along the way. Episode 5 shows a wealth of character development. If I were to try to summarize the entire episode, you would be in for one heck of a lengthy read, and I would have to either forego sleep (who needs it, right?), ignore my responsibilities as an employee and student, and ignore my dog (which you pet owners understand is NOT an option). So, instead of reviewing the entire episode, I have chosen a few scenes that show us the growth in Zeynep and Mehdi, both as individuals and as a couple.
Mehdi's Hope
It happened in the space between heartbeats. You can see it, can’t you? In one quick breath, Mehdi shifts from wallowing in the darkness of loss, to looking through the light of hope. The guard didn’t realize that his words would have such an effect. All he said was that Medhi’s wife had wanted to make sure that he was okay. A fairly innocuous statement, really. But what hearing those words did to Mehdi was anything but tame. His dark head whipped around to look at the guard. Surely, he thought, the man was mistaken. His wife could not have inquired after him. His wife was on a plane, headed for a new future with that sniveling wisp of a man, Faruk. Mehdi tried to temper down the hope. He had learned long ago that hope only leads to disappointment and pain. But look at his face, beloved reader. Even after he wrongly guesses that Benal was the one who asked about him, his body is tense with the hope that Zeynep had stayed. It is a different kind of tension than carrying the weight of depletion on one’s shoulders. He knew the woman who came to see him was not his old lover. Nor was it one of his sisters, or mother. They would have approached his cell. The only woman it could have been was the one woman he least expected, yet wanted more than anyone else. Do you need further evidence? Look at Mehdi’s posture when the guard first approached his cell. Look at his face. He is hunched over, crowded under depression and hopelessness. His expression is somehow blank yet dark at the same time. Now, look at him after he hears that his wife came to check on him. His expression brightens instantaneously. Not happily, but hopefully. There is a fire in his eyes. One final piece of evidence I present to you… After he is released the following morning, Mehdi searches around himself, looking for evidence that Zeynep had been there. He even asks after her, wanting confirmation that she had not flown away from him. Now, I can hear you saying, “But Kristin,” (You can call me Kris, if you prefer), “How is this growth?” That is a good question. You may also be asking, “If he really is clinging to hope as you claim, why is he still so cold to her when he finally sees her?” Another question worth answering. And here are the answers. One, this hope is definitely growth in Mehdi’s character. Remember back in Episode 2, when Mehdi approches Zeynep at her brother’s grave and they end up spending several hours together? He had given up hope that she would ever accept him as her husband. He was truly shocked when she told him that she was agreeing to marry him. That entire afternoon was not an attempt to get her to change her mind. He was simply offering support to a unique woman who seemed all alone in her world. Now, remember when Kibrit told Mehdi about what she had seen and heard between Zeynep and Faruk? Hope for reconciliation with her vanished. It was safer to let go of his hope than to hold on to it. But now… Now, he is different. He isn’t allowing his hope to leave him. If anything, he is feeding hope by searching for her, by asking about her, and by expecting her to appear in front of him. However, that does not mean that he is ready to trust her. Not yet. He is hopeful, yes; but he is not trusting. He fully expects her to hurt him again. He expects her to leave; if not now… someday. But his hope is still there. Isn’t it?
Zeynep's Strength
It is so hard to choose just one moment from Episode 5 when the subject of Zeynep's growth is being discussed. It’s almost as if the entire episode was one vignette of her strength, fading into another one. Zeynep is decisive and unapologetically herself. For the first time since the beginning of the series, she has her head held high, and she is confidently moving towards her future; not the future which someone else has chosen for her. She does not allow Mehdi’s angry dismissal of her to dampen her spirit. If anything, she uses his ire to fuel her own. And perhaps the one scene that depicts this better than any other is Zeynep and Mehdi’s encounter in their bedroom. First of all, she does not allow Mehdi’s rudeness to cower her. In the past, she would have accepted the guilt of his blame and swallowed her self defense. But not this time. This time, she forces herself to stand tall. Her concern for providing for her family is more important than the personal pain she feels as a result of his judgment. Please do not allow yourself to believe her strength is a sign of hardness. His words affect her deeply. How could they not? When he tells her that he rented a house for her parents as an obligation, and not a kindness, it proves what she read in his poetry books is true. He treats her the way he treats everyone else in the Mahalla. She is not special to him. There is nothing about her that encourages him to treat her uniquely, and this knowledge is like another rejection that she can add to her already lengthy list. Rejection is never easy, and when it is felt in the words of someone you respect, it is even harder. Yet, Zeynep presses on, and proves to herself that she is stronger than Mehdi believes. Taking the money which she tells him is from the real estate agent out of her coat pocket, Zeynep encourages Mehdi to take it. What a beautiful heart our girl has. She knows how difficult it is going to be to support her family while still pursuing her dream of becoming a lawyer. She knows the sacrifice will be costly, Yet, she doesn't want to pursue her dreams at the expense of his. He will need this money to reopen his shop. But of course, Mehdi refuses the money. The brief back and forth banter between them might be considered cute if it were not for Mehdi making a Grade-A prick of himself by suggesting that Zeynep would support her family by prostituting herself out to Faruk. I know. I know! He stepped over a line with that one. And you might be tempted to question my earlier comments about his growth. I don’t blame you at all. But I stand by what I said. He is still holding onto the hope that he would have abandoned just one episode earlier. He wants her to refute him. He wants her to lash out at him and call him out for his offensive suggestion. His hope needs to hear her tell him that he is wrong. And when that doesn’t work, he tries another tactic. He asks her point blank why she came by the jail. Can you imagine how strong his hope was that she would reveal even a tiny piece of tender feelings towards him? Unfortunately for him, tenderness is not what he receives. Instead, Zeynep tells him that just as his treatment of her is no different than how he would treat anyone else, to her he has become just like anyone else. She did not visit the jail out of a tender, or affectionate feeling towards him. She came out of obligation. But, my dear reader... look at her face. it pains her to say those words almost as much as it pains Mehdi to hear them. Yes, she is strong, but she is far from unfeeling.
Strengthened Hope
Do you know how much I want to gush over that final scene, and the hug that Zeynep and Mehdi share? I could write paragraph after paragraph detailing how they feel as they hold one another; I would attempt to engage your senses as I described the smell of her hair, and the strength of his arms. It is a beautiful hug. A healing hug. A hug filled with forgiveness and promise. But if I am going to conclude this analysis in the same vein of Mehdi’s and Zeynep’s growth, I need to focus on a different scene. You know the scene of which I speak. It is preceded by Zeynep’s courage to intervene when she sees a young boy being abused in a darkened alley. It follows Mehdi’s tender encouragement and fatherly advice which he bestows on the youthful boy who calls the streets “home.” After young Mert runs away from Mehdi’s questions about his abuser, we find Zeynep and Mehdi standing outside of the restaurant… facing each other. Alone. And for the first time, they can see each other the way that we have always seen them. Zeynep’s complement to Mehdi was unexpected, but not unwelcome. The hope with which Mehdi had been flirting throughout the episode comes into sharp focus, and he found himself wondering who she cast in the role of his childrens’ mother. He could easily see her in that role; her belly rounded with the unborn life of his child, the healthy glow of love and fulfillment on her face. Now, fast forward a few years. He could easily see her playing games with their children as she taught them lessons in strength, courage, and respect. But what Mehdi could not know is that Zeynep easily envisioned the same things. She could imagine him preparing the nursery, and taking extra care to make sure her every comfort was seen to as their baby grew inside her. When their son would fall, as children are often want to do, he would carefully pick him up, dust him off, and encourage him to try again.Their respective thoughts about the possible future encouraged them to smile. Shy smiles that concealed more than they reveal. Neither of them feel as though they need to speak, or fill the silence that is between them. In this moment, they are content to simply look at one another, and marvel at the precious, albeit frightening, hope for their future. How far they’ve come since that first meeting in the mud puddle outside of his shop. Heck! Consider how far they've come since the beginning of the episode! I never would have believed but they could stand, facing each other, and see the beautiful possibility of a family. Yet, here they are. What a beautifully complicated story they are living.
