Doğduǧun Ev Kaderindir Bolum 6 - Desire, Acceptance, Support

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Screenshot 2020-02-19 at 12.54.56 AM

          I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t been low key dreading this episode. If my relatively brief experience with Turkish drama has taught me anything, it is that the main couple’s happiness is perpetually short-lived. Something always manages to interfere, creating distance between our hero/heroine and their beloved.  However, while Mehdi and Zeynep are being hit from all sides with dangers that threaten their new found happiness during Episode 6, they still hold on to the strengthening confidence and deepening attraction that they have found in each other. In fact, it is because of these dangers that their affection and respect for each other reaches new depths. I invite you to join me, dear reader, as we look into three moments that Mehdi and Zeynep share during this episode. Perhaps, at the end of it, you will find yourself believing that love truly can conquer all. 

Desire

“Profound desire, true desire is the desire to be close to someone.”― Paulo Coelho, Eleven Minutes

          Zeynep’s confusion is understandable. She may not have understood exactly what would happen when she and Mehdi decided to go to bed that night, but she certainly wasn't expecting Mehdi to say that he would sleep on the roof. Her sweet nature, and her growing desire for her husband’s happiness is brought to the forefront as she tries to encourage him to change his mind about leaving. She even goes so far as to offer to sleep in her parents room, on a cot similar to the one she used as a child. She cares more about his comfort than her own. Of course, that suggestion would not work because it would appear that Mehdi kicked Zeynep out of their bedroom, and that would not be acceptable, at all! As their conversation continues, it would be easy to mistake the light-hearted tone in Mehdi’s voice as good humor, but I implore you, dear reader, to look again. Our poor man is on a razor's edge. In fact, he is close to becoming desperate. Desperate for what? Keep reading.

           Mehdi tries to compromise with Zeynep by saying that he will sleep at Nuh’s. It will not be cold like the roof, nor will it be uncomfortable. Seems like a reasonable suggestion, doesn't it? That is, until Zeynep has the moxie to remind him that he cannot spend every evening at his cousin's house. They are, after all, husband and wife. They must live together. Zeynep’s boldness causes Mehdi to drop the clothes which he has been holding. Now, there are a few different ways of interpreting that action, but I would like to offer the one that I find the most probable (or at least the most fun) ?.  As their conversation develops during this scene, do yourself a favor by paying attention to Mehdi’s eyes. He starts out relatively relaxed, even though he has just told a lie to his wife about his relationship with his ex-lover. ( Let's overlook that for now.)  He casually gathers what he needs from the wardrobe, and prepares to leave, but things do not go according to his plan. His wife; his beautiful, incredible, strong, sexy wife... she is offering an excuse for him to stay. Not just one excuse. She is offering a whole defense on why he should sleep in their bedroom… in their bed. What Zeynep does not realize is that with each defense she offers, his resolve to not touch her crumbles a little more. You would be right to assume that Mehdi  is not a man who is controlled by his desires, but that does not mean that he does not have them. He wants his wife. He wants her so badly that he does not trust himself to sleep next to her yet not touch her. Now, you might be asking yourself why he has this self-instituted rule about not touching her. It has nothing to do with her outburst from their wedding night when she told him to never touch her. I think it is safe to say that she no longer feels the way she did, then. Mehdi’s self-appointed rule is to protect them both. As much as he hopes that their marriage will last the rest of their lives, he has only been promised a limited amount of time to be with her. (At least, that’s what he thinks.) If he were to give in to his desire, and sleep with his wife, their already complicated relationship would become exponentially more difficult to navigate. He's trying to be noble, and protect them from the complications that physical intimacy would bring to the relationship. But she is tempting him beyond what he can bear. Her boldness in exclaiming that they must live together brings him to his breaking point, and he drops the clothes in his arms; half in shock, half in preparation to drag her to himself and show her the effect she is having on him. It is only when she bows down to help him pick up what he has dropped that he forces himself to stop and gain control over his baser instincts. As they are crouched down, looking at each other, you can almost read their thoughts. I will not provide their unspoken dialogue for you. I’m sure whatever your imagination has created is too delightful to be dictated by me. Yet… in the end, it is Mehdi’s honor that wins the fight and he agrees to bring a couch into their room. Do you notice how quickly Mehdi agrees with Zeynep’s suggestions? And how quickly he leaves the room? He is so afraid that if he stays any longer, he will lose control, change his mind, and take her to bed; complications be hanged! 

          Please do not allow yourself to think that Mehdi is the only one who is struggling with desire. Zeynep is also trying to understand what to do with these new feelings for her husband. Later, while they are lying in their bed together (at an almost comical distance apart), she is so distracted by trying to understand her desire, that she can't fall asleep. She allows the excuse of stealing the covers to give her a reason to move closer to him, before shyness over takes her, and she turns to face the other way. Even after Mehdi has fallen asleep, she is wide awake, her body coursing with energy that she has never felt before, and doesn't know what to do with. Who knew that sleeping with one’s own husband could be so complicated?

Approval

“When we fall in love, we hope - both egotistically and altruistically - that we shall be finally, truly seen: judged and approved. Of course, love does not always bring approval: being seen may just as well lead to a thumbs-down and a season in hell.”― Julian Barnes, Nothing to Be Frightened of

Side Note: I promise I will get to the actual scene at hand in a minute, but first, I need to give a quick mention to the scene between Nuh and Mehdi on the rooftop. ? Those two had me rolling (figuratively, of course). Mehdi really thinks sleeping on a settee is going to make his desire for Zeynep more manageable, huh? That poor man! Although… can you imagine how much angst we would feel between them as their desire for each other continues to grow, yet Mehdi remains determined to keep his physical distance? ? If that’s the way the DEK writers want to play it… Bring. It. On. Okay… Let’s get to the actual scene, now. (Thanks for your patience.)

         It is a short scene, and can easily be overlooked in favor of the more dramatic, or comical moments that Bolum 6 has to offer. But we would be doing ourselves a great disservice if we allowed one another to miss the beauty of it. Mehdi worked so hard to make Kibrit’s room a place where she would feel treasured. Of course, he did not accomplish this task on his own. He enlisted the help of the two other men who knew and loved Kibrit best; Nuh and Yaldiz. Together, these men created an environment of enrichment and relaxation. This room would be a place for Kibrit to call her own, and it needed to be perfect. As far as these men were concerned there was only one person whose opinion would either confirm or deny the room’s perfection. Zeynep. 

         When the men first show Zeynep into the room, look at Mehdi’s confidence. He is proud of what they have accomplished. Rightfully so, too. They have managed to take a random assortment of furniture and decor, and turn it into a haven. But… as Zeynep silently takes in the fruits of their labour, Mehdi’s confidence begins to shake. He promises, “If there is something missing, we will fix it.” His eyes begin to scan the room looking for defects that weren’t there, before. Then he offers another qualifying statement, “We didn’t have a lot of time, but we did what we could.” His eyes betray the doubt he feels that she will accept what he has done. Suddenly, Zeynep’s acceptance is about so much more than this room.

          Finally, Zeynep replies with bright eyes and absolute sincerity, “This room is so beautiful, Mehdi. I like it very much.” Relief washes over the men. The camera pans over Yaldiz and Nuh, who are obviously overjoyed by her reaction, but it is Mehdi’s quiet satisfaction that steals the moment. She accepted it, and by extension… she accepted him. Can you see the same struggle in his posture that I do, my fabulous reader? Do you see him longing to reach for her? She accepted his work. It isn’t expensive and flashy, yet it is sturdy and honest. It is personal. It is a piece of Mehdi, himself, and Zeynep accepted it. Mehdi has never felt more like a king than he does at this moment. Nuh picks up on the unspoken struggle in Mehdi and motions to Yaldiz to leave. When they are alone, Zeynep repeats her praise for the room and again, Mehdi is almost overcome by a desire to hold her. He is the reason that smile is on her beautiful face. Ufff. (Sleeping on a settee, indeed! Anyone wanna take bets on how long that lasts? ?)

Support

“We don't heal in isolation, but in community.”― S. Kelley Harrell, Gift of the Dreamtime - Reader's Companion

          Explaining the effects of abuse is difficult. Unless you have lived through it, it is impossible to understand the price of it. Bones can be reset; cut and bruises can heal, but the emotional and mental damage of abuse is not as easily mended as the physical body. It is the unseen injury, the invisible scars that the abused carry with them long after the beating has ended. It is a diminished sense of self worth, and a constant battle to fight against fear. As strange as this might sound, it isn’t a fear of the abuser as much as it is a fear of yourself. You fear your courage, and yet your lack of it; you fear to hope, and yet you fear despair. You fear both the light that exposes and the darkness that conceals. And these fears follow the abused, until… They fear death more than they fear life. Sounds rather dramatic, doesn’t it? I supposed it is. But that doesn’t make it untrue.  Zeynep has been carrying these fears around with her for as long as she can remember. Now, let me stop you right there, dear reader. Don’t allow yourself to think for even one minute that Zeynep’s fear makes her weak. We, all of us, are afraid of something. AND we, all of us, get to decide if our fear will feed our weakness or our strength. Zeynep has used her fears to make herself strong. But being strong does not mean that she is not wounded. How do I know? What is the first thing she says to Mehdi after her drunken father has damaged the interview with Kibrit’s case worker? She apologizes. She apologizes for something that was beyond her control. Why does she do that? Because she is still learning how to let go of the fear that abuse created in her. Centimeter by centimeter, she is unclenching the fists in which she has clutched the past, but she is still trying to take the responsibility and blame for her father’s actions. She blames herself for trusting him. She is ashamed of herself for letting Mehdi down even though she has done nothing wrong. She has the courage to tell him that she is sorry, but not the courage to look him in the eye while doing so. Zeynep is a picture perfect example of what a strong woman who is letting go of abuse looks like. But in order to completely overcome the traumas of her past, she is going to need help. Thankfully, she has Mehdi.

          Mehdi’s response to Zeynep’s fear is perfect. He doesn’t chide her for apologizing, even though she has no need to do so. Nor does he shrug off her concern. He simply asks her to, “Please, not do this.” What Zeynep does not understand is that it hurts Mehdi to hear her taking her father’s fault upon herself; to see her carry his mistakes as her burden. Mehdi’s tender heart cannot bare it. But he does not stop there. He offers her hope in place of her fear. He assures her that everything will be made right, and that their decision is pure. But most importantly, he shows her unfailing support. He assures her that he is beside her. She may not have had the support of a father as she grew up, but now she has the support of a husband who will always be by her side, ready to take her hand as she lets go of the fears of the past. It will not happen overnight. In fact, it will take years, maybe even decades before the negative effects of her abuse are completely behind her, but in this moment, Mehdi proves that she is not walking through this alone. They will make this journey together.

Last Updated: Feb 19, 2020 10:56 am (UTC) Filed Under:
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kmengis (@daydreamsandpop) is a Dizilah.com « guest » contributor.